We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize