thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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