yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
