Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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