God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
