i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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