Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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