I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can i not drive my cunt home
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
