Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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