But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
