don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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