she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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