i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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