The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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