what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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