im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
