Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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