I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
