Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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