just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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