Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
