she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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