i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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