If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
