i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
