I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
