gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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