my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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