she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
