The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
