This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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