i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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