Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
