you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
