I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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