Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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