def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
