maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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