i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
