Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
