Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
