Whats the glycemic index on semen?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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