the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
