Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
