people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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