Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
