If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
