Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
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I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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