I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
