did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I CAN MOONWALK!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
