if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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