she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
