i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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