I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
