Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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