i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
