It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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