Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
