I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
