I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize