I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
