when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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