You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
