you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize