Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
