I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
