as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
