I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize