Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
do nipples grow back?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
