Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
