Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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