shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
