Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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